1st Day of Trying to Stop Procrastination …..

“Did you finish your tax prep yet?”

tomorrow. I promise I will work on it tomorrow…

“Did you review the book yet?”

Tomorrow… I am trying to fit it into my schedule …

“Did you fill out the forms and send them out yet?”

tomorrow… I am working on it …

There seems to be always a tomorrow. More and more tasks have been stacked up on the back of my mind, and even when I don’t think of it, they are like thousands of weights sitting on my shoulders and back… I started to have a stiff neck and a very tight neck, shoulder, and upper back. Other than regular work, I couldn’t enjoy anything because I still have a shit load of things to do. But I don’t feel like doing them. It is like having a monster inside me, eating me away… I feel unexplained and unhappy. I try hard to remind myself to be happy, but how? be appreciative of everything I have, I thought I do. Do I really? putting off things is ruining my life. Alright, I get it, then what should I do? Where should I start?

I tried hard to think when was the last time I felt great about myself, I was happy, and I didn’t put off things? How was my daily routine?

A few years ago, I had a busy schedule, but I didn’t put off anything. I felt great about myself and my life. How did I do it?

I used to start my day with one hour of working out, then showering, and having breakfast before I started my day. Back then I looked great, I was confident and happy.

Now I don’t like being overweight, feeling tired.

That is simple. Get back to your daily exercise.

It is easy for you to say it. I am just not interested in exercise anymore. I don’t feel like doing anything.

What about starting by walking? you don’t mind walking? Put your favorite music on and walk! What music do you used to listen to when I worked out before?

I used to put on hitpop.

Then put on your hitpop again.

but I don’t like listening to hitpop. well, you never really liked it. You only listened to it during the workout because of its bits stimulated your nervous system to move physically.

Okay! let’s start with morning exercise.

ah… it is raining outside today, I am not going to walk/run for 30 minutes outside. get on the trailmil inside? nah, I don’t feel like…

You’d better start from somewhere… exercise creates dopamines, remember how great you felt when you sweat?

but … my body doesn’t feel like moving…. what about I start doing other things?

alright… it is better than sitting on the couch watching TV, watching your life away.

Okay, deal! Finally, my brain and my emotions reached an agreement of today. I got out of the bed. I played 30 minutes of my instrument, trying to re-memorize / familiarize each piece of music I had learned. People say music could feed my soul. Hopefully, this little act could re-vitalize my depressed heart, and re-motivate me again.

I prayed to God mechanically. I beg for God’s forgiveness that I did it mechanically by following the physical motion. (But… at least I am doing it…)

Let me write a to-do list, and start to work on the list of things that I have put off. Started with the simplest things, so I could check them off quicker and have one less item on my list.

Self-healing starts from self-acceptance. We are all familiar with the term loving ourselves. But do we like ourselves? If we currently don’t, when was the last time you liked yourself? what don’t you like yourself about?

Many of us move through our lives being so disconnected from our emotions and our soul. We just get through our days mechanically. But somehow we feel a sense of void inside. We cannot describe it. Every part of our life in the book may look great, but we still feel that sense of void and unhappiness. What is it?

Have thought of how we feel emotionally? What are the people we encounter, and things we do make us feel?

I have been very busy in recent years. In the beginning, because of my busy schedule, I cut out exercise time, meditation time, and music time out of my routine. After a while, I become more and more disconnected from my emotions, my spirit, and my soul. I started to feel a sense of void and unexplained unhappiness. That is when I realized the importance of those things for my overall well-being. So I decided to start the self-healing journey and bring myself back to the happy and content state again.